I re-read Dr. Brain's message. She said we "may" re-start lithium. But the more I think about it the less I think I want to. I cling to lithium because I know that there have been befores and afters and they have mattered. But the truth is that the last time I was off lithium I was on entirely different meds. I wasn't on Seroquel which has been more effective than anything else. I wasn't on Emsam. I was bouncing around trying to get my body to maintain a Depakote level and having little success and we were trying to avoid anti-psychotics because my prior bad reactions meant that I would have to stop working and go on one ultra-slowly. I also had a great fear of both remaining options at that time-Seroquel and Zyprexa. I had seen too many patients overly sedated on Seroquel. That hasn't been true for me, even on a huge dose. And Zyprexa I feared sedation and diabetes (family history is STRONG). Turns out that I can take 10 mg of Zyprexa (a lot) and it doesn't do anything. So the diabetes is just the risk that I have with my history and Seroquel and my psychotropic weight. So maybe I don't need it so much. It's hard to know. But I don't want to go through another toxicity. Ever. If the risk of that is as high as I think I am not sure it's worth it.Waiting to see Dr. Brain is going to be hard.