It is definitely spring

The mania is here.  I should have realized my mom was irritating me because I was manic earlier but I blamed her.  I can tell I've been grinding my teeth but I think it was stress.  Wrong.  I'm very agitated and it's 3:15 AM.  I hate this sensation.

I keep reminding myself that one thing my meds do still do successfully is that this is not likely to be full blown mania, "just" hypomania.  Hypomania still is horrible but unless it gets mixed/until it gets mixed since it will it mostly means I'll get things done but suffer from lack of sleep. 

I'll have to be in touch with Dr. Brain and of course it's a 3 day weekend.  At worst I see her in 2 weeks but I need more medication before that unless this is the first spring mania in my life that was easy to treat.  Typically they are very hard to manage and sleep is nearly always a disaster.  There have been times I've been on huge doses of sleeping pills along with higher doses of ativan without success.  Now it is worse because the sleeping pills that area safe for me to have don't work at all, no way is she giving me something I could easily overdose on as she would have before and she also doesn't like increasing my klonopin because they want me on very little so I have a low supply.  This is where the suicidal stuff, even though I know it's to keep me safe, feels like punishment.

Fun stuff.

We shall see.  I am fighting the jittery, must do something feeling and trying to settle into bed and read.  I did so much today that I can't believe I am not asleep already.