For 2 years I have not been allowed to have many meds at once. I am just now allowed to have 2 weeks worth (plus a snow week that I'm not sure anyone realizes means I really have 3 weeks worth) and that is partly because if Dr. Mind leaves then I need to be weaned off this because I won't have anyone to keep my keys for me.
The problem is that my memory isn't that great about routine things and so I am left wondering at times if my missing new refill is already locked in my lock box or where I have put it. Tomorrow I have to search for the bag; I'm pretty certain it cant be in the lock box but I can't find it anywhere and I only have a few nights left, hopefully enough to get to Monday and access to the pill box. This is incredibly frustrating but handling the meds is so automatic now that I really can't remember what I've done. I know that I picked this up last week and it was a day or two before I saw Dr. Mind. However I didn't do meds at his office last week so I can't have locked it up. Unless I am remembering wrong and I picked it up 2 weeks ago and therefore did lock it up. See the problem?Oh well. The pills are somewhere. I just have to figure out where.
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One of the best things that a therapist ever said to me was that I would probably always have suicidal thoughts. That I had been so depressed for so long that my brain had just made these associations. It gave me permission to take them a little less seriously and get on with my life instead of waiting for them to go away. That said, I did try to kill myself again a couple of years later, and almost succeeded. But I also have to say that over time, and on really high doses of Effexor, the thoughts have become a lot less. I still do think about it- but now it has to be a really bad day. I don't think about it almost every day like I used to.
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