Bad Mood

I'm feeling really cranky today. Partly it's that I want to go ANYWHERE and can't. Part is worry about my mom's cat, and about my mom dealing with the loss. Part of it is just exhaustion and being so tired of being in the so-called "healing process". Seems like we could have moved on with that by now, 6 weeks after minimally invasive surgery. But now I have discovered even more fun. I never expected the hospital friends to necessarily really stay in touch. There's so much emotion wrapped up in that process that I didn't expect to see it necessarily go on. But rest of them continued into the intensive outpatient part of the program, something I can't do because of distance. But I did think there would be emails. And there was one. There was also a friendship on facebook accepted. But that person goes to the same program as the one who gave me fake information. I probably brought this totally on myself, but I had hoped reassure the person who clearly didn't want to have me in her life, so I mentioned that the one who was writing could tell the other one that it's ok, I understand and will not track her down or bother her ever. I also wrote about how much I appreciated having been accepted and included by the group even when I couldn't do what they were doing. Some acceptance. I've been unfriended. I do understand. We're in different places with different diagnoses. I just had hoped that for once I would get to bond for more that 5 days with other people with mental illness. Noneetheless it hurts. I also have a hefty pile of depression symptoms. This is typical after a mixed episode, I always bottom out for a while. The difference this time is the inability to drive to get away from home. And because I feel like I've been a prisoner here for so long, broken only by prisoner on a psych unit (prisoner is a strong term for the unit but stuck on doesn't help either). There just is so much that is mostly related to I want to leave home, drive where I want to go, buy what I need, etc. I'm just tired of everything right now. Forgive me. I have been waiting to be all better for 10 months now. I'm so sick fo knowing my dr. probably sighs when I send in a question, of emailing Dr. Brain over and over, of complaining on here. I am just so very tired.