It's ok

I had my meeting today at work.  I was scared but it was fine.  We all agreed I can't do it yet.  For me the deciders were having a patient ask why I was sad when I was riding along Friday, and how intensely hard and draining paperwork was.  There's no way I can keep up with patients and they don't want me to try and fail because then it gets into discipline for missing too much work when I wasn't ready to be back anyway.  So Dr. Brain and I worked out a very nice plan where I'll be off about 2.5 weeks, then have 2 3 days weeks because I'll start on a short week followed by Thanksgiving, and the next week is my sleep study so I'll be off one day and so that means a 4 days week that week.  So I won't have a 5 days week until December.

This lets my body re-learn sleeping.  Last night I actually fell asleep on my own without meds and slept about 8 hours. Tonight I suspect I'll need a pill; it was stressful day.

This was hard to admit to, I hate saying I can't, but I truthfully didn't have to think much.  After months of little sleep and no quality sleep it's very hard to jump back in when I'm still so incredibly tired.  And my brain isn't working as well as it needs to yet, which is probably partly sleep and partly askathesia related.  My brain chemisty has been through SO much in less than 2 months, possibly more than any other 2 month period in my life, and that is saying a LOT.

So I'll be hanging out at home for a while longer, and glad of it.