The Good Part of Bipolar

There aren't many good things in this illness. I can, of course, get all philosophical about how it has helped me grow as a person, and it has. I'm sure I'll talk about that sometime. As much as I hate it and fight against it, bipolar really is a part of who I am and I know that. And sometimes it isn't a bad part.

But the very best part? It's the same as the very worst part: cycling. No matter how bad it gets and how much it doesn't seem like it, it is always going to change. When that happens it is always slow (although this is certainly the slowest ever) but I always get a little glimpse of some things to appreciate. Right now I am feeling true joy because tomorrow will be a week and a half of working for me and although it is hard and stressful, I am doing it. Even the day before I went back I was scared that I would know by now that I can't. Instead I'm discovering that for today I can do it. When I get sick again it may be another story, but today and tomorrow I am ok. So many things are like this. I spent most of 4 months avoiding noise. Tonight I am enjoying having the windows open listening to all the night noises. I replaced a box of tissues last night and realized that I no longer need a box in every room due to uncontrollable outburts of crying. So many things I already am taking for granted I couldn't handle every 2 weeks ago, much less 2 months ago. Three months ago I was fighting to stay out of the hospital and was not allowed to use sharp objects.

I have come so far and I need to appreciate this every minute. Thank God.