I'm Scared

I am so afraid to try to work again. I'm afraid because I've never really done anything before that I knew it was so likely I could fail. I succeeded academically without much effort at all until college. I had some hard classes in college that made me question my abilities, but after I learned that Bs weren't bad I was fine. I breezed through graduate school, and although I had panic attacks and terrible anxiety before my board exams I knew I would pass. And I did. This time though, there's no promise. There really isn't a way to get by just on intelligence. Hard work with help, but if the right circumstances kick in hard work won't matter. So this is all new.

Consequently I am anxious about everything. Does my new haircut look stupid? Answer: It's so slightly different that almost nobody would notice. What if I oversleep? Answer: I've been getting up fine for a while now. Plus I work flex hours so I CAN'T oversleep. What if they expect too much? Answer: I'll talk to them, but I think they have some idea now.

This is ridiculous. I'm going to drown my sorrows in laundry. Please think, pray, cross digits or whatever you choose to do for me tomorrow.