Depression has hit. In force. It's been hitting for a while now, but the last few days have been worse. Today I literally felt it worsening minute to minute, much like it feels when you are getting a cold and you know when you wake up you're going to wish you hadn't.
I had to ask the doctor for help. I hate that. I hate that I still can't make it long enough to not talk to her (email) between appointments.
I hate that suddenly I feel like nothing I do is right and that everyone hates me. I know that probably these thoughts aren't true, but countering them takes so much energy it's too much to bother.
I've become certain that I'm not very good at my job. I keep fighting to be able to do this job and truthfully it wears me out and I can't meet basic criteria so why on earth would I consider myself good at it?
For now I'm going to bed. Sleep at least is a vacation from feeling bad. Hopefully more meds coming soon.
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