I feel decent again today. I don't know if it's the meds or my attitude adjustment via patient, or eating better or even the stupid vitamins my psychologist told me to take. Whatever it is, two better days really have helped. The trick now is that I have to always be wary of good days. In a week I can begin to trust this. Until then, until I have gone a while without that feeling of absolute hopelessness I've been feeling for so long, I have to stay on edge. Even while feeling good I know that right now this may be too much. I'm feeling good but I'm also peeling wallpaper off and it's a really tough job I've put off tackling for a long time (two layers of that stuff for kids rooms that is really adherent with two layers of borders at the top. So that means up to 6 layers of chemicals and scraping, all the way down 2 walls, and then there is another border at the ceiling that I'm hoping comes off easier (ha). Working on this kind of thing often means I'm borderline manic.
Oh well, two days of feeling ok. That's a cautious celebration and really the thing I have been praying for.