Quiet (and why)--Also, about anonymity

I'm spending time struggling a little with blogging. I blog anonymously. I will always blog anonymously. I cannot professionally associate my name and this disorder. I learned the hard way already that this is professional suicide.

As I've mentioned, I got hurt by an "anonymous" blogger. The scam I've referenced is the April Rose scam, and if you didn't follow or hear about it you can best learn about it here or here (scroll down). I'm hurt because I let myself emotionally believe in something that was a lie, and I hurt for someone who was lying.

I'm also hurting because people automatically started calling her bipolar as soon as this started. Even people who are bipolar started saying it. Well, I think there are probably better diagnoses for her (borderline personality disorder comes to mind, along with Munchausen-by-internet), but this is EXACTLY why people think such negative things about bipolar. There's never good publicity about being bipolar. Always the focus is on people who do terrible things.

There's a lot more talk on the internet now about not trusting people who refuse to give a name or a picture. Honestly, those things can be totally faked, just like the woman in April Rose faked maternity shots. The truth is also, I could use my first name and it wouldn't really change much. My first name is about as common as a name can be. Telling you my first name wouldn't really change how anonymous I am. But, I understand why people feel this way.

Yet I cannot be more than Just Me online. There aren't just the professional reasons. This blog could hurt other people inadvertently. My mom would die if she knew that I'd posted on the internet, even in general terms, about parts of my childhood. Those posts will be coming down, by the way. And I'm just not the type of person who can talk openly about this stuff with my real name.

So, my thoughts and feelings are kind of mixed up. I'm very, very angry. I am dealing with that anger, but it turns out that this isn't going to be a time anger is a fast process for me. Now that I'm a bit more honest with myself about my feelings that seems to be pretty true--superficial feelings are a lot faster. For some reason that anger is keeping me from my own blog. I'm reading others, but partly that's because I'm reading and now looking at each one in a new light. I've read some for many years now. How do I know you are who you say? Sarah, you might be some 75 year old man in plaid pants for all I know. So, I'm working this all out in my own mind.

Please bear with me, and I'll try to get back to normal soon. I think I'm past learning much new about this, I'm now just waiting and watching for what comes next.