strange

I slept.  The low dose neurontin worked really well.  In fact I slept about 14 hours. A very long time ago Dr. Brain told me that we needed to find something that would make me hungover and really sleepy for a few days.  This may be it.  I may need to increase the dose a little but that's not a problem.  And the great thing is this stuff is CHEAP.  I'm really hoping that it is going to continue to work (better than tonight but these nighttime panic attacks are part of my life sometimes, just not for a while.  Perhaps sleep let it come, or sadness for my family, or my mixed episode.  Tonight I took the meds, got sleepy and fell asleep before midnight for the first time in so long I don't remember.  I slept about 2 hours, rolled over and woke up panicky and anxious.  I've been trying to deal with some of the anxiety by solving what I could and I took anxiety meds but for whatever reason I am now groggy and awake and worrying about something so big I can't even name it.

This is officially the last day I'll be 36.  I don't care but it will be odd to have a year I remember so little of.  There are many periods in my life since bipolar that are hazy or that I don't remember.  This year has brought that to the highest possible point.  Everyone tells me I don't want to remember.  I'm sure that is quite true.

And now I am going to  curl up and read and see if sleep will return.  I have Dr. Mind tomorrow and I really don't want to have to do that without enough sleep.  I'm not at the tired from meds yet still too anxious to really sleep stage.  I want chocolate.:)  Perhaps hot chocolate with milk might be ok actually.