PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS BLOG WILL BE GOING PRIVATE MAY 1, 2015. SEE THIS SPACE FOR DETAILS AS I FIGURE THEM OUT.
I can't stop crying tonight. I'm just so tired. I sleep but it is manic sleep and it doesn't do much. I think I'm waking up a lot and not getting any rest out of it. I'm exhausted and it doesn't matter. I want to take valium but I need to take the other cat to the vet for a UTI (of course, she made it since October but everyone wants to go to the vet this week) and that means being able to wake up. I tried to nap this afternoon but all I did was lie there.
I am no longer used to having these things hit so hard; it's been a while. It's not a surprise, I was going to have one happen eventually and the retirement thing has been tough, but I just am always surprised how off-kilter things feel. A teacher/coach from my high school died suddenly 2 days ago and I've cried several times about that. He was just one of the nicest people you could ever know and he was young and it's just sad. He'd had some kind of brain surgery in the last few years and just didn't wake up Monday so presumably he had a major stroke in his sleep but it's so weird that he was commenting on facebook just days ago and we were talking about him then because of something he posted and then he was gone.
Even reading the news makes me cry. I don't think it matters if it is good or bad, I'm crying.
I am having a lot of memory issues and that always makes me mad. I hate when I can't remember to do something just from the time I think of it and then do it.
There's not much to say. I need sleep and probably more time with Dr Mind and a med change that probably doesn't really exist. I think I'm sad about the beach and yet I know it's the right decision. My sister said today that the family we're going with would be so understanding and at first I thought she was right and maybe I should re-consider again but the truth is that I've not been involved with them for 20 years for a reason and that reason is they weren't good at handling this stuff. They are nice people but this is just different than they are used to. It will be ok.
But this will end eventually. I just realized I can have my mom call and make an appt for the cat to be seen later in the day for me and then I can sleep a bit later if my body allows that. That would be good.
Anyway, not much of interest here. Just having a rough time.
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