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So finally last night after 3 hours of fighting and the maximum dose of valium I am allowed to take I got some sleep. I think I slept about 12-13 hours, was awake a few and slept another 2-3. Now it is 2:15 and I'm wide awake because I slept all day but at least I got enough sleep to stop feeling sick and that I can continue to live a few more days.
Tomorrow I see Dr. Mind and intend to call Dr. Brain's office to try to get in there earlier. I don't think another 2 weeks of waiting is going to do any good and I can't take this a lot longer. The amount of valium I took last night does get me some sleep but it has such a huge cost that I'm not sure it is worth it and it is definitely not sustainable; I can't sleep all the time and be too sedated to move when I am awake. And for whatever reason I am not adjusting this time around to the valium. Last year it was such a blessing because I could take it and sleep and after I was used to it there weren't hangovers or over-sedation or anything, just a good night of sleep. This time that's not happening and it is not good.
But at least I'm not still operating on a few hours of sleep in 3 days. That was awful. Now I'm just very tired, awake and still very sad that I'm not on vacation. I know all the reasons I'm not but I just wish that my timing were different. The pictures of everyone in the hottub looking over the ocean today looked amazing.
But this is just how it is. Life goes on.
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