Big deal

This is probably only a big deal to me, but to me it is huge. For one thing I've worked incredibly hard to get here. For another this is my record of things and so I'm recording.

I've been trying hard to lose weight. As of this morning I hit 24 lbs. down in 3 months. I also wore pants today that say they are one size smaller than I started but really are the same size as most 2 sizes smaller than I started (ie, I was wearing 20s. These say 18s but didn't fit until 18s were loose, and I remember they were larger than any other pants I had when I was gaining weight). I'm doing this the relatively painless way; some of it is from decreasing my depakote some, and the rest is from switching away from rapidly acting sugars. Mostly. I am doing very well and eat pretty much whatever I want, although I do try to avoid potatoes, white bread, pop, more than bite sized candy (but I eat several of those per day), juice, etc. And it's working!

This is the first time in years I've felt I had control over my body. Bipolar rips away control of how you feel and this is very threatening since "everyone" can handle their mere emotions. And then treatment takes away all sense of controlling your body. I gained 80 lbs in one year from my initial meds. I was an XS scrub size in May and by the following January was a Medium, and a year later a large, and a few years after that an XL. All those clothes are now given away to a pregnant friend.

Last night I was up way past bedtime hardboiling 5 dozen eggs for patient egg-dying day. I'm now going to try to make up for lost sleep.