Here goes nothing

I have about 3 posts brewing and honestly I just haven't gotten turned back on from vacation.  I had internet but had a hard time with low speeds so I just didn't use it much.  I needed that kind of break from it.  The internet becomes too much sometimes.  It was wonderful but the last day we drove home which was something like 14 hours in a car, mostly at night which was great for the kids but I got only a few hours of sleep and then I got home and could not sleep so I was awake for most of 38 hours.  I then slept most of Sunday then had a migraine so I was knocked out by the meds for that and slept another 10 hours or so.  Then I drove to Cleveland and after being lost saw Dr. Brain then got lost again (and you have no idea how stupid this was; I was lost for an hour before it occurred to me that I was not going to the right block of the street I was on).  Then I ate supper and napped.  Tomorrow morning is pre-op and then I see Dr. Mind in the evening.  So I am just getting back into life very slowly because my routines aren't worked out yet.  Which is fine, but I just haven't felt like doing much, blogging included.  I took a break from nearly everyting online while away and it was good.

For now I am worrying about one part of tomorrow.  I am supposed to have a nerve block for pain control after my surgery.  From what I've read nerve blocks contain epinephrine and a steroid.  Epinephrine interacts with Emsam in a way that mostly can be controlled in an OR setting (blood pressure stuff) but it also can cause agitation.  Steroids ALWAYS agitate me.  Since recovery is rather dependent on my ability to sit very still for several weeks and have limited mobility for a long time I am not willing to take that risk.  So unless they can promise me a nerve block without either of those things I'm refusing it.  Frankly I've read some things that sound like it can sometimes be pretty unpleasant anyway (sometimes it is great, sometimes it is pretty uncomfortable as sensation returns).  I'm used to working with my doctors.  This isn't the same type of relationship (this is a random anesthesiology resident/anesthesiologist and due to some kind of confusion I'm not yet set up as an MAOI anesthesiology patient).  A week gives them enough time, but I'm just going to be a little bit of a surprise probably tomorrow and then I'm going to refuse a treatment recommendation from a surgeon I have no relationship with at all.  I suspect he will be frustrated and annoyed by this.  I don't care what he thinks; I know what these meds can do and I know what it feels like to be mobile post-op and unable to rest or sit still no matter what doses of extremely strong meds are given (I was at one point on 1200 or 1500 mg of Seroquel and 10 mg of Zyprexa plus generous helpings of Klonopin, atarax (like benadryl), and I believe benadryl and I think something else.  HUGE amounts of sedatives and nothing could stop me from pacing constantly.  This time I have to be reclined with my foot in the air for 2 weeks all the time and then gradually decrease that.  If I am agitated it will be absolute torture.  So I am not allowing that risk to be taken.  But it is very intimidating to do this.  I don't mind telling my usual drs. that I am uncomfortable with some treatment or another but strangers and this weird surgeon concern me.  But they'll just have to use pain meds to reduce my pain and I will avoid the psych unit while immobilized. 

What I will say about vacation is that there is one moment that I am carrying with me as one of the best moments of my life.  My baby niece is now 9 months old and is saying 10 or 12 words consistently.  One night I walked onto the screened porch where my sister was rocking her.  A little voice said "Aunt Jen".  We all looked for Anne, thinking she'd gotten out of bed.  Nope.  The baby's first phrase was me.  She's not repeated it, but she has said Jen a number of times more.  It was so special.

More later.  I learned a few life lessons on this trip and I'll share them when I get through this week (pre-op/Dr. Mind; dentist; Dr. Mind; trying to get the house ready for surgery) but mostly I'll just say that I had a great time and am much more relaxed.

Anyway, hope tomorrow goes well............