Friday, April 03, 2015
2 nights but......
I slept about 12 hours last night, maybe a little more although I was awake repeatedly until early morning. This seems to be a theme. I had agreed to go see Dr. Mind again today to check in since I'm alone all this week and they get anxious when my mood is bad and I don't have support. But we'd also agreed I'd cancel if I was sleeping and I did just that. I'm glad too since I slept about 4 hours longer than I would have if I'd gotten up.
Tonight I am not sleepy at all. I have a feeling tonight will be a valium night. I dislike those. It means tomorrow will be hard and I have things to do tomorrow. But I don't want to start the not sleeping at all cycle again so I'll do what I have to do.
I still am surprised that this evened out even a little on its' own. That doesn't usually happen for me. I can't really remember a time things got that bad and then improved independently, even if for only a short time. I've had times I've gone a long time without sleep and crashed but this didn't seem to be that exactly. I am not great but I'm not horrible either. I don't know. Menopause is definitely changing my symptoms and making things easier to manage. And I know there is an effect because every so often I still have a month that it appears that there are some more hormones operating and this month has been one of them. In fact this led to my sad experiment. I wanted chocolate badly but didn't want to eat it all quickly so I decided to buy some and freeze it so that I had to wait a bit to get my treat. I got mini Reese's cups and guess what? The middles don't freeze. So I ate a lot more chocolate than I should have this week. Oops.
Today is a strange day. Last year April 4 was when we found out about my brother. And I remember thinking so many times that I wanted to go back to April 3 when life was so much easier and I didn't have that terrible knowledge. And now it is April 3 again, a whole year of living with this. I thought it could never get easier but it has although it is still so hard.
Anyway, back to reading and trying to sleep.
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