Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Friday, April 03, 2015

2 nights but......

I slept about 12 hours last night, maybe a little more although I was awake repeatedly until early morning.  This seems to be a theme.  I had agreed to go see Dr. Mind again today to check in since I'm alone all this week and they get anxious when my mood is bad and I don't have support.  But we'd also agreed I'd cancel if I was sleeping and I did just that.  I'm glad too since I slept about 4 hours longer than I would have if I'd gotten up.

Tonight I am not sleepy at all.  I have a feeling tonight will be a valium night.  I dislike those.  It means tomorrow will be hard and I have things to do tomorrow.  But I don't want to start the not sleeping at all cycle again so I'll do what I have to do. 

I still am surprised that this evened out even a little on its' own.  That doesn't usually happen for me.  I can't really remember a time things got that bad and then improved independently, even if for only a short time.  I've had times I've gone a long time without sleep and crashed but this didn't seem to be that exactly.  I am not great but I'm not horrible either.  I don't know.  Menopause is definitely changing my symptoms and making things easier to manage.  And I know there is an effect because every so often I still have a month that it appears that there are some more hormones operating and this month has been one of them.  In fact this led to my sad experiment.  I wanted chocolate badly but didn't want to eat it all quickly so I decided to buy some and freeze it so that I had to wait a bit to get my treat.  I got mini Reese's cups and guess what?  The middles don't freeze.  So I ate a lot more chocolate than I should have this week.  Oops.

Today is a strange day.  Last year April 4 was when we found out about my brother.  And I remember thinking so many times that I wanted to go back to April 3 when life was so much easier and I didn't have that terrible knowledge.  And now it is April 3 again, a whole year of living with this.  I thought it could never get easier but it has although it is still so hard.

Anyway, back to reading and trying to sleep.
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1 comment:

Michal McAllister said...

Hey sweetie! It's amazing that you seem to be turning the corner on this horrible time. I'm also amazed that you were able to do such a good job of tending to your sweet little nieces. I'm impressed that you are able to cope with coping...that is, live with the reality that the vacation was not good timing this year.

Write when you can. You've been doing a great job of keeping up the blog.

xoxo Michal