Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Friday, April 10, 2015

Tears, toes, and Medicaid

First, I should have been more specific about my inability to cry here.  It's not my mom.  It's me.  I apparently need 30 miles between us to just cry.  I can't say that I'd cry at all when she might come over or call me but she goes to bed at 8 or 9 and I can easily cry then.  And even when it's earlier I keep my door locked because we have a lot of drug related crimes and it is safer so she isn't going to get in without my letting her in.  She respects my privacy, I just can't seem to settle completely into "this is home" mode.  I think I'm afraid of that in my own way; I think that if I get too comfortable here something will happen to my mom and I'll have to move on. That's the danger of living with an aging relative; hopefully she'll be healthy for another 30 years but she's not young anymore.  After our community just lost a young person who was so special it's hard to not think about that.  I also tend to shut down when I'm in a bad place because I get afraid if I cry I won't stop or that I'll wind up in trouble.  Dr. Mind can help fix this. 

Toes....I just broke a toe on the foot that is recovering from surgery.  I broke one pretty close to where the tendons I had repaired attach so I have to watch this one.  It was so stupid, I tripped over an ironing board I should have taken down 2 days ago and snap.  I'll tape it tomorrow; just before I did it I had put a ton of Burt's Bees foot crème on it and it is very greasy right now.

Medicaid is about to become the recipient of my mixed episode.  I think I mentioned that an address change wasn't done so all my paperwork wasn't received in time to meet the deadline for updating.  I sent everything in but too late so I started re-applying.  Last night I went to finish the application and it was gone.  Today I called my caseworker but you never actually reach them so I left a message.  In the mail I had a list of documents received like they are using those for the re-application and I may have wasted the hours I've put into getting together esoteric information like every savings account I have that has $.41 in it, the payoff amount from my house sale, my back-pay from SSDI 3 years ago, etc.  So I'm pretty annoyed.  I really hope the caseworker calls back or my annoyance is going to grow a lot.  At least this one doesn't say on her message to not call her back under any circumstances; that was the friendly greeting from my prior caseworker.  But if I'd done that work and it is lost and I have to redo for a 3rd time I'm going to loose it. That's hard to do once, much less 3 times.

Today was a little bizarre here.  We had several enormous storm systems and got 4 inches of rain in 24 hours, 1.25 inches of that within one hour.  Flash flooding was an issue (we are on a big hill so are fine but it can be a huge issue around here) and we still have more storms coming tonight.

I'm tired.  I hope that means sleep.  It would be really good if it did because I've had a patch on and changed it tonight.  I need the patch and I need sleep.  The combination of both would be marvelous.

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1 comment:

Rachael said...

I have on occasion lowered my anti-depressent dose to allow myself to cry. Is it possible that some of the inhibition may be med related? Just a thought. I know what a release it is to cry, and how healing it can be. I hope that you can find the space - literally and figuratively - for that release.