What goes up.....

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Last week I got a few nights of sleep.  This was related to just taking my patch off and leaving it off for several days then wearing it only every other day.  Once my levels started to go back up sleeping got a little more difficult.  I'm concerned about not getting enough anti-depressant (and questions to Dr. Brain went unanswered although partly probably because I thought Dr. Mind had emailed her as he said he was going to so I wasn't as detailed in how bad I feel as I could have been and when I tried to move my appointment up she and her secretary were off and the person filling in said she'd do.....something........but nobody followed up so I guess something wasn't much.  And I made bad decisions about not pestering.)  So everyone has had some failures here and I still have no idea how to keep my Emsam levels lower without plunging them too low and I'm completely frustrated that I've been trying to find out for 5 weeks and everyone fell through on me.  But I see Dr. Brain Monday so I just have to live a few more days and I think Dr. Mind was going to email although I have no real idea as that conversation got weird and went off on a tangent and I'm not sure he heard me say it was ok to do it.

Anyway, once I got Emsam in my system I quit sleeping again.  And so this is day 3 that I've been up all night, although I have gotten a few hours of sleep in the day so still better than 2 weeks ago.  I probably should take valium but it has been so unhelpful at anything but drugging me until I just lay there that I don't want to.  If I take enough to sleep I sleep so late that getting to sleep the next night is affected.  I have no solutions.  I have been trying to exercise more but my ankle demanded a couple of days off.

Therefore I feel awful again.  I have no idea how to manage this whole thing with people communicating or not communicating.  I need to talk to Dr. Brain about this thing with trying to get in sooner; if they'd called and said she had no time that would be one thing but no response is just confusing and kind of irresponsible since I don't think I have ever called and asked to be seen sooner in 12 years. 

Not much to say really, I'm tired and cranky and very anxious because I have to re-apply for Medicaid because someone didn't update my address last year when I called about it and so my paperwork got to me after it was due and so first I sent in all the paperwork for renewal only to get a letter that I was too late, then I filled out the wrong application and then tonight I did a lot more and saved it only to get a message that at 2 AM it shuts down and since I saved at 2 on the nose I don't know if my stuff saved.  There is absolutely no warning that you are about to be kicked off.  It's really frustrating.  The application is also frustrating because there are no comment boxes and some things are ambiguous. 

Oh well.  I've got to get calmed down.  Being angry at Medicaid never helped anything.





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