No Overdoses for Me

I've always said that the only way I would be able to hurt myself would be via overdose. I considered the cutting thing once and when I noticed blood was involved and that it hurt I decided that was not so interesting. The thing is that I have to be very open about this because I have enough medical background to easily come up with a dangerous cocktail. But I have been very successful in learning how to nearly totally avoid suicidal thoughts for 3 years and counting, (to come in a later post because my way is sort of neat and has been very effective) so it's not much of an issue.

I have now learned though that lithium overdoses are evil. I've got an accidental toxicity, which happens sometimes with lithium and is why patients on lithium have blood drawn every few months. Thanks to an unfortunate series of events involving throwing up too frequently to get enough medication in to have a level drawn I am way overdue. And so finally we know why I've been sick for so many months.

My level was nastily high on Tuesday. Wednesday I found this out and was careful to stay well hydrated and I took a lowered dose as the doctor instructed. I spent that night so sick. I had no idea how horrible lithium could really be. At one point I was vomiting so hard I wet my pants while I was crying. I called my family doctor and my psychiatrist and left messages with both at 4:30 AM. (Everyone needs to know about my vomiting first thing!).

It wasn't until Saturday that I was able to walk straight and even then I've been off balance. The cognitive things are incredible. I can't remember anything. I can't follow books or movies or anything where I have to know characters and plots. I forget words. I type and the wrong word appears. Even time is disoriented, although that's probaby related to spending time on disability.
I just had to make a med list because I keep forgetting to take one or more.

I've been off of the lithium for a few days. Tonight I restarted a small dose. I'm very nervous about this. I have a medication for nausea now if I need it, but I'd rather just not get sick. I'm tired of this.

There are so many other symptoms of toxicity. There is not one that is pleasant. Well, apparently you're supposed to be tired, but I got to do this while I'm having manic symptoms, so I am too tired to blink but unable to stop doing things. I just changed and washed my sheets for fun. That is usually my least favorite household task.

Anyway, I've now had a preview and I'm pretty convinced that I will never die by lithium overdose.