Things to Do When Manic

Because of my profession (exactly what that is I don't want to reveal because I don't want to be easily identified and there are few people in my profession with bipolar disorder) I have a firm belief in trying to convert the energy and emotions of these periods of my life into actions. I handle it better if I am very busy. I have to watch though as I will get overly caught up in some project and do it all night or without consideration for quality. When I decide I want to do something I have to ask myself if I really want to do it, if this is the appropriate time to do it, if I can complete it, etc. I also have to sometimes try to decide later if what I've done was something good for getting through the moment or if it was valuable; I've made some ugly crafts in my day.

Anyway, this episode has been really interesting because every day I feel depressed and don't want to do much. The night comes and I can't shut up, I can't stop moving, I can't make myself tired enough. So I'm working on a lot of projects to burn energy as much as I can all day long, hoping to sleep at night. (Last night I slept 8 hours--praise God!!!) I thought I'd try to list the things that work. This may help someone else, and I'm sure it will help me because I get to the point I run out of ideas.

1)Gardening---I've killed every weed in my neighborhood. I have a tree I'm trying to kill by digging it up; that didn't work although I got a nice tour of the root system. Now I'm trying to cut it down. I need to buy a better saw though.

2)Landscaping---I'm trying to plant bushes. Every time I start to dig it starts to rain.

3)Cleaning---I've cleaned up the kitchen a few times. I have the car partly cleaned out, but I ran out of tolerance for the sun after a while (it was really bad) and haven't been well on a dry day since. That's still several hours of project. I've scrubbed the entire bathroom, including walls and woodwork. I've done laundry more than required, even changed sheets with silly frequency.

4)Cooking---Hard since my stomach doesn't let me eat much right now. But I've cut up vegetables, made dip, made homemade soup I promptly hated (anything I throw up becomes my enemy and I've thrown up about 2x/week for 6 months), made banana bread (mushing bananas was the best part of this), and done the usual (ok, unusual due to only eating a few foods) day-to-day stuff.

5)Assembling---I've put together an exercise bike that has been sitting in the basement for over a year. I am done to the point that takes two people; I did some 2 person steps but this one I'm not tall enough to do alone. Too bad, because it's almost done and EXERCISE would be nice. (It will not be appearing though because right now my main option is walking and with litihium toxicity I get suddenly exhausted and might not be able to get home easily. At my mother's house where I have alternatives walking works well). I also put up a hammock in my unfinished basement because it is quiet there and I sometimes can't take hearing another car drive by.

6)Fighting---This episode has come with a lot of anger. I've felt like hitting and kicking. I did a lot of searching and found a toy punchbag that looks like a person and bounces back (sort of) after being hit. Blowing him up took 2 days of hard work. He's great to hit, but I have to keep him put away because he scares me when he's in my peripheral vision. (I think he's real.) This is only an option for smaller people because if you're very tall the toy is too short. Real punchbags are an option but require more installation than I wanted.

7)Shredding---I complained to the psychologist about not being able to sit still because my hands need to be busy. He suggested shredding a phone book. I've almost finished the white pages in just over a week. I also have a blister from this--my shredding injury. This works very well though allowing me to watch TV and movies at night so that eventually I calm enough to sleep.

8)Ripping things Up--This is the latest project. I realized today that I have a lot of time, a lot of energy that needs to go places, and a disgusting basement. I think for $75 I can have a non-smelly, clean, usable space. So tonight I ripped out horrible carpeting in the bathroom, removed the padding, threw away all the decor, partially removed the wallpaper border, and was amazed at the difference. It can only get better too. I may actually be willing to use that toilet in the next few weeks. All that is left in there is removing the carpet tack strips (have to buy a tool), cleaning, and painting. There is another carpeted small room down there which needs de-carpeted (first I have to remove this scary black moldy bugnest thing), cleaned, and painted. I have no idea what purpose that room will serve, but the painting will kill the smell so it's getting done. Then there is a big room with glued down carpet. I spent a long time today learning about pulling up carpet. I didn't know I could. But I'm making slow progress, and it's hard work that takes lots of muscle, and that is EXACTLY what I need. This carpet is gross beyond description. Clouds of nastiness come up and it smells like the previous owner's dog pee. (It's much better than when I moved in though). There is brown stuff I have decided IS chocolate on the wall and the dust clouds actually were leaving marks on the wall. When the carpet is up (which is a lot of work and may be December) I'll have to do a hefty cleaning job, paint the walls, and do something with the floor. So the whole thing is a lot of work, but the major expenses will be bleach and soap for me. (I still feel disgusting).

Other plans: Clean the garage, upstairs painting if I ever stop shaking from toxicity, and who knows what. I'll try to keep this updated. And I'll take suggestions! (although not other people's dirty work, I've already had 3 showers in 24 hours)