Not gone too long

I'm back, for a moment. Except not really to say much except that things are getting really hard. The stress this week was pretty unbearable. Yesterday we had 2 patients die in a couple hours, something I have never seen before. To make it worse, one was in a medical emergency situation and it was just traumatic. I don't want to go further than that, but essentially I saw someone die yesterday in front of me, and not peacefully like 99.9% of nursing home deaths are.

I've also had issues with either too many hours of work and not enough me, or misunderstandings about hours to be shared and variations on that theme. I have cried twice at work. Not a good place to cry, especially when it wasn't related to the deaths. Today it was because I worked really hard to re-arrange today and work tomorrow so I could get a haircut tonight. Somehow my assistant left me an extra patient to see today who had to be seen today, so I had to cancel my appointment. I can't get in for another week, not to mention they probably hate me because I cancelled so late. It was just so frustrating and disappointing, because I NEVER take time off early for myself. I juggle things around for doctor appointments and that's it.

I still have a lot of wrapping to do and no desire to do it. And I have a lot of busyness ahead. I work tomorrow. I have Sunday off; Monday is Christmas. I work next Saturday and New Year's day. I expect to go to the psychiatrist the following weekend. The weekend after I have plans. Which means I don't get to have a "just me" weekend until January 20. On the plus side though, I have vacation for a few days in February and am going somewhere warm. I'm getting more and more excited.......

So anyway, I'm very cranky here. This is really hard because in all honesty I think what I'm feeling is normal for my circumstances. But any deviation from good is scary right now because I'm so afraid of getting sick again.

So, hopefully the next post will bring lots of cheer. I'm sure it is in here somewhere, probably behind the gift wrap and boxes......