"I haven't had any meds in 3 days. I haven't had any meds in 3 days. I haven't had any meds in 3 days"......
It's my new mantra. I don't do well with no meds this long. I'm bursting into tears over nothing. I am having trouble falling asleep for the first time in many months. I'm having nightmares. And I keep thinking about how much I hate myself or other people hate me or how I'm worthless or all sorts of other things that are just not the realistic derivations of what is really going on.
Knowing my thinking is "off" at times and knowing to not trust it is a big part of my coping toolbox. I know to ask for confirmation that what I think is realistic during times like this, and to automatically reduce much of what I feel to "incorrect" status. I just am so frustrated that this is part of my life. Again, the frustration will be reduced when the meds start working.
Every time the temptation to not take meds is there I wish I could remember precisely how this feels.