Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


I'm battling depression. I know it, and it knows it. I'm upping my antidepressant a bit tonight; the doctor hasn't gotten back to me so I'm just doing it. If I get manic I'll fix that.

I overslept for work today until noon. I had set meetings for noon. People are mad at me. I don't blame them.

I have never in all my life overslept from work. I've stayed home sleeping, but I have always called in, and have always stayed late or come in on the weekend. Today I simply didn't wake up. Now I'm scared to go to sleep.

Since I got in trouble for saying something that I still think wasn't inappropriate but was interpreted as such last week in a meeting (minor issue but still), now I don't want to speak. Too bad since I have to.

I have vocational rehab OT coming Wednesday. I feel like I'm going to hear 9000 ways I'm a bad therapist. I don't feel like I'm good at what I do at all. I can't even wake up on time.

I really need Dr. Mind. And that's 2 days away and I don't feel like an hour is in any way going to be enough for my brain to explode on him.

And I'm just so tired.........


Mariposa said...

Oh, I hear you...

Hope you are getting by fine...take a leave from work if you need to.

Emilija said...

I know you are under a lot of stress at work, but maybe the change in seasons is making you depressed/sleeping too much as well. It is making me eat! Even though I do my light therapy!

Just Me said...

Thanks Mariposa. I unfortunately can't really take a leave right now. I don't need it yet, but I have to wait until I've been employed a year for federal coverage to ensure my job, and a few months beyond that for disability coverage. I'm not totally certain I have disability even now, which is another story.

So I'm making it through, but I do have a vacation in 2 weeks. That will help.

Emilijia- It's probably partly SAD, although it's early for me. Usually that's mid-Oct. for me. However, with a reason to feel crummy SAD probably can strike early. Now that I've had a year of relative stability and we've got a med that can quickly be increased in a normal mg zone I need to talk to my doctor about trying a light box. Until now stability was too much of an issue.