I'm battling depression. I know it, and it knows it. I'm upping my antidepressant a bit tonight; the doctor hasn't gotten back to me so I'm just doing it. If I get manic I'll fix that.
I overslept for work today until noon. I had set meetings for noon. People are mad at me. I don't blame them.
I have never in all my life overslept from work. I've stayed home sleeping, but I have always called in, and have always stayed late or come in on the weekend. Today I simply didn't wake up. Now I'm scared to go to sleep.
Since I got in trouble for saying something that I still think wasn't inappropriate but was interpreted as such last week in a meeting (minor issue but still), now I don't want to speak. Too bad since I have to.
I have vocational rehab OT coming Wednesday. I feel like I'm going to hear 9000 ways I'm a bad therapist. I don't feel like I'm good at what I do at all. I can't even wake up on time.
I really need Dr. Mind. And that's 2 days away and I don't feel like an hour is in any way going to be enough for my brain to explode on him.
And I'm just so tired.........
About Me
- Just Me
- Over the years I have noticed that when I have the least hope a rainbow appears. Rainbows are a wonderful combination of beauty, hope, happiness and rain, the product of ugly grey clouds that hide the beauty of the sky. The beauty that is a rainbow can only come with the presence of both rain and sun. Such is life with bipolar disorder. There are good times, there are tough times, and there are rainbows to remind us that beauty will return, sometimes fleetingly and sometimes for a long time. This blog is my story of sadness and hope. Please scroll down to "Who I Am" under Pages to read more about me and the people who populate this blog.
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Master of Irony by www.masterofirony.blogspot.ccom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.masterofirony.blogspot.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at www.masterofirony.blogspot.com.
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3 comments:
Oh, I hear you...
Hope you are getting by fine...take a leave from work if you need to.
I know you are under a lot of stress at work, but maybe the change in seasons is making you depressed/sleeping too much as well. It is making me eat! Even though I do my light therapy!
Thanks Mariposa. I unfortunately can't really take a leave right now. I don't need it yet, but I have to wait until I've been employed a year for federal coverage to ensure my job, and a few months beyond that for disability coverage. I'm not totally certain I have disability even now, which is another story.
So I'm making it through, but I do have a vacation in 2 weeks. That will help.
Emilijia- It's probably partly SAD, although it's early for me. Usually that's mid-Oct. for me. However, with a reason to feel crummy SAD probably can strike early. Now that I've had a year of relative stability and we've got a med that can quickly be increased in a normal mg zone I need to talk to my doctor about trying a light box. Until now stability was too much of an issue.
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