Control

I feel a lack of control because I know that I am in trouble when I get to work tomorrow. I've been caught in one of my inattention to detail things and I have a feeling it will be a major deal. I fully expect someone from corporate to be there. Again. And emotionally I'm in no shape. I'm tired, I'm upset from what I'm doing in therapy, and my schedule is all messed up by this seminar this week. Plus my allergies are acting up and I just am out of sorts.

I've discovered something I do to control one of the areas of my life I don't like. I used to have a tendency to miss pills sometimes out of this inability to tolerate them because I'd get so angry I needed them. But recently I figured out the secret: I can skip my vitamins and minerals (I have to take separate pills because a multi-vit. makes me throw up) and not have trouble. And it makes me feel better.

Stupid thing, but whatever helps.

I also just took one of my previously favorite blogs off my bookmarks because I got sick of the constant mental hospital and crazy jokes. I'm really not in a good mood tonight. I think I should have tried to find more time with my therapist this week, but I simply don't know where it would come from. I may see if I can get an appointment early next week plus my usual because I've got a long break and I'm not sure I'm in a good place to handle it. My bipolar feels ok but I just don't. I'm scared I'm going to get depressed.

No, no, no and no.