Today I had to take my poor cat to the vet for the 5th time and this time the vet did exploratory surgery. He found a large ball of numerous pieces of plastic wrapper-type material. So my cat, who will not eat chicken, fish, or anything that is not slimy and smelly from a cat food container, snacked on trash. And it nearly killed him. He's not even certain to live now; infection is a risk of course, and he hasn't eaten in a long time. Apparently when cats quit eating, especially fat cats which he is, it can be very hard to get them on track again. So I have a few more days of dread waiting for the first attempt at food Monday, and then gradually increasing his intake hopefully. If he doesn't eat I'll have to put him to sleep, and since I lost it just leaving him for surgery I can't imagine that.
Everyone has made such a big fuss because of how well I've handled so much in the last while. I went through so much with my last job over a fairly extended period (including that I wasn't getting my hours and was losing money), then I was fired, then hired, then immediately started the new job. It turns out that 2 days notice is fast to start. In my field notice usually lasts 3-4 weeks, so there's generally a lot of time to adjust and prepare. Then there has been my crazy physical set of problems: 2 UTIs. 2 deep fillings. 2 weeks of toothache I thought was normal but wasn't. 1 severely infected tooth. 1 root canal. 3 antibiotics. And the sick cat, who it has been AWFUL to watch. Last night I was up with him for quite some time while he dry heaved and cried because it hurt. He's been throwing up mucus and bile and water and he's had no intake of food in a week.
But today things hit. For one thing the weather has made it officially SAD season. I need to buy my light, but can't afford it yet. I haven't had a full paycheck since early October. I came into this job at the tail end of a pay cycle and the pay cycles are alternate from the last job, so I've had almost no income for a month and a half. Another (very bad) thing is that after being 100% responsible with my meds for 2 years plus I have been away from home the last few days and I forgot all about taking Depakote with me. I didn't even think about not having it with me. So that's affecting my mood adversely. And it's all my own fault. I didn't count bottles. I need to always do that and I know it. I've just been so stressed/drugged/in pain this week that I messed up. I also feel guilty about my cat. Somehow I left something where he ate it. And he nearly died. That's terrifying, especially since this is my scaredy-cat who wouldn't normally do this. My other cat is a lot more adventurous and who knows WHAT he might eat.
So now I'm totally stressed out and upset and I have NO time to just deal. My mom is insisting on doing things tomorrow. Honestly I'm probably going to shut her out, I'm just too TIRED and she's not listening. I had to work today to make up for the root canal day and that wasn't exactly a relaxing day. Today was horribly stressful. Then I don't get to sleep in Thursday before seeing Dr. Mind because I have to see the dentist for a re-check and to find out if I get a crown (bye-bye more money) or lose my tooth (I am TERRIFIED of this, I think partially stemming from a bad impacted wisdom teeth removal experience). Then I have to work next Sunday for Thanksgiving so I don't get that day off. Then I don't work Thanksgiving, but I have to be in a loud and stressful atmosphere. It's going to be Dec. before I have a whole weekend to rest and I really need rest.
So, I guess the lesson learned is that I'm still bipolar and I still can make the same old mistakes. And I've just done it.