Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

So, the mood swings

Not badly.  And I pretty much know why.  But it's still a dreadful feeling.  I've done so incredibly well for so long now.  I had an antidepressant increase in September before I was fired and that's it for even remotely hard times in over a year.  A year ago we thought I was depressed but it was actually a med reaction that was easily fixed when it was figured out.  (I was taking 2 versions of the same med, making me very tired).

But I'm feeling anxious and a little down.  And I really don't like it.  Partly this is because I feel I can't do much with my mood stabilizers to help, assuming I want to keep working.  Which I very much do.  

The main reason is simply that I missed 2 weeks of counseling in a row and I know better.  Two weeks ago he was out of town, and last week I had a dental crown and was just too exhausted to handle sedation followed by 2 hours of driving and an hour of talking I knew I wouldn't handle well because of the exhaustion.  However, missing counseling means lots of anxiety and that makes me feel depressed because it frightens me to feel off-kilter at all.

It's so weird.  I knew that if I ever was well again I would have to learn my triggers.  I even know that this is a big one.  And I also know sometimes it's unavoidable.  But I find it so odd that it is really harder for me to be careful to adhere to something simple like "I need to see Dr. Mind" than it is to take my pills.

36 more hours to that appointment....give or take.....

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