Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I did it

Well, at least part one. I have a written list for Dr. Mind of what happened to me and some notes about this. It's.......clinical. But that's ok, he'll know. And when he can ask questions I can say more.

I wish I had the things I wrote in college. For months I wrote in detail about my memories. I didn't talk much in counseling then. I couldn't say what needed to be said, so I spent hours writing and then he spent a decent part of the session reading and we'd talk about what I wrote. With Dr. Mind I have, until now, forced myself to use words and talk, resulting in my reaching the end of a session about a year ago and sobbing "I've never SAID that before". This I just can't say and I'm not going to go through making myself when I cannot see a value in that. So we'll re-visit the old way.

Part of the trick is that I've worked hard to put away memories. So I'm missing things that might be important. If I only had what I wrote so many years ago I would have more memories. But I threw that away long ago, and doing so was valuable. And he doesn't need to know everything.

The plan is to give it to him in a sealed envelope. I'll explain what it is and why. And that he can ask questions but I can't just verbally volunteer this, but that I know it's time for this to be important if I'm going to make it through this urological thing. (I found a urologist who doubles as an ob-gyn. I'm going to be seriously considering her.)

And now I'm impatiently waiting for my sheets to dry. I did nothing all weekend and I just want more sleep. It's crazy how tired I've been, but I've been working way too much and combining that with driving zillions of hours in the snow. It's not been an easy few week. But, just 3 weeks and I'll be on vacation for a few days! (YAY)

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