Too close

I am now so nervous that all I've eaten today was a granola bar at 7 AM.  I have to find something to eat and nothing sounds good at all.  Tomorrow night I'll be starving about 12:15 AM so I need to eat now and try to remind myself then that I ate plenty today, but I just can't figure out what I want.  Oddly I really don't feel anxious beyond what I've been feeling but I think the stress of my cat's illness combined with this has left me not hungry at all. 

I did have some success with the cat.  She is very happy to have a litter pan upstairs.  I'm not, but hopefully it is temporary.  She is still vomiting and yesterday the vet said the med for that had to be given orally or in a shot.  I suddenly remembered today being told that it could be given transdermally (the med goes on the skin inside her ear) and called them after I found a place that sells it that way.  Sure enough they can get it and so next week she'll have something to help when she feels sick.  This is certain to ensure that she doesn't vomit again for a year, but I really want her to have a good break from feeling sick.  She has been a little less lethargic today and has wanted cuddled a bit which is good.  I'm coming to terms that I have to accept that she won't be here forever.  Which is just hard to consider given that she made it 19 years so far.  After she got that old I somehow stopped thinking she'd ever be gone.  In contrast I got my other cat and another that died when she was 7 because I knew cats don't live THAT long very often and I wanted to have established pets if she did die.  Now she's almost outlived that age by twice the factor so that joke is on me.  But I know that first we have to stop the vomiting so she stops losing weight.  Time to break out baby food and possibly my own homemade kitty tempting but disgusting chicken livers and gravy puree that they love but is oh so very gross to make and smell.

I feel like something profound belongs here but I'm out of profound.  I'm just working my way down a checklist I made and I actually abandoned making a soup to write this and try to figure out a supper.  I think it will be a frozen dinner.  Easy, filling, different and I can replace it when I need to.  My mom keeps telling me to not worry so much about having food stockpiled but I don't want her to have to constantly need to take care of me and to have to work around my dietary restrictions which really change her own diet.  Waffles.  That is what I need. Waffles and milk.  I think I even have some safe sausage.  (It doesn't taste very good but it is safe).

Time to eat.  Must eat.  Much to do yet tonight.