Hard

A few days ago I wrote about death. Today I got a reminder about the sad stuff.

I can't be very specific but I have a way-too-young-to-be-dying patient with extensively metastisized cancer which can caused multiple complications. He's got wounds and more tubes than I ever remember having seen a patient have (aside from IVs) in a nursing home. He's in terrible pain. He's fought hard since diagnosis and knows his chances aren't great but he has things he wants to do.

Often that's enough. Often that will lets people meet at least a few of those goals. This man I really, really wanted to have that. He is just someone you can't help but really like immediately.

Today he was feeling really, really ill. Much more than he'd admit, which just made it sadder. I've seen this kind of illness before and it goes right along with being really sick with cancer in the digestive organs.

It was so sad because he was trying to not complain, yet he was horribly sick all day and some not so bright individual had left a plate of strong-smelling food beside him for hours instead of getting him broth or something.

I won't be surprised if this weekend is the end for him. And that's when it really hurts, when you just can't help.

We also got a new hospice patient who is close to 10 years younger than I am. That's way, way too young.

Sad, sad day.