I've rested a lot today. In fact after this I'm going back to bed.
Yesterday I saw Dr. Mind. He helped me gain a lot of perspective that was greatly needed. I have a right to feel sad, I'm mourning my cat. It's a big loss for me, and how he died was traumatic. I've not been using my light much. I've not been seeing Dr. Mind as routinely as previously, and had been planning to cut my visits. We decided that I'm not there yet. The more I think about this, the more I realize I really am not ready. I need a place to talk and I need the perspective he helps with. Dealing with people can be so hard for me because I don't know how to interpret interactions, and I think I still need to have help. I don't have normal social interactions and I need someone just to talk about what is going on. I wish I were really ready to move on, but I'm not. Once he said something implyinig part of this I realized how very stressed I've been about the reduction.
Another thing that came up with Dr. Mind was that I'm not eating well. This happens when i'm depressed and it's not good for anything. Once I started paying attention I'm eating extremely poorly and very little of most of it. I'll make something then pick at it. Unacceptable. So now I'm trying to eat and to get more protein.
I also have had several emails from Dr. Body. My depakote levels were high, even for me (mine are usually maintained at a high level) and the only other time I had them this high I didn't feel good. So we backed that down a bit too. I'm allowed to increase my AD reluctantly, but am trying to hold off.
I also (this is girly so be forewarned) realized that part of my problem is my menstrual cycle. It's causing significant cycling lately along with migraines that do not help my mood one iota. I was supposed to go to the gynecologist this week but I'm cancelling that so I can talk to Dr. Mind first, then collaborate with her. I've tried the pill before but threw up a lot from it so I'm not sure what will happen, but for whatever reason this is a new factor in the illness for me. Even the last few days I've started feeling a bit better just because of hormones.
So I'm hoping that a few changes will make a big difference.