Dr. Mind: Resolved

We had a good talk. We talked a lot about why changing providers scares me and some of the really AWFUL providers I had in the past, particularly the whole bunch I had in grad school. I had some hideous experiences with psychologists and with 2 psychiatrists.

We talked about the gun thing. And it was something he didn't even remember saying and was really upset that he said. It just must have been something that popped out and then when I reacted as I know I did he thought I was shutting down because it was a hard session. But I was even able to joke about it by the end and I feel safe again, so that's all ok.

We also talked about my amazing gains. I realized just before I saw him that the skipping an occasional Klonopin during the day had now turned into 2 days without them (except for sleep). Which is HUGE, since in November my anxiety medicine routine was thus: wake up. Take Klonopin. 3-4 hours later take Vistaril. 3-4 hours later take Klonopin. 2-3 hours later take vistaril if needed. Bedtime: huge dose of seroquel, valium, possible Vistaril, and lithium.

There is this scale called the GAF (global assessment of functioning) that gives a number to how well you are functioning. It goes from 0-100 and if you're interested in the steps Google it because I don't know them well. I know that in the 80s you're essentially functioning normally with occasional glitches, in the 70s is mild impairment, and suicidal gets you down to 10-20. 5 days before I went in the hospital Dr. Mind did a score. He had to get the book out because it was lower than he usually deals with. I asked about it today. I scored 35 at that time. Essentially "barely able to minimally function". It got way worse in the next week. But today? 85. The best ever for me.

And to end this post, people just are awful sometimes. This is relevant to one situation that the person in question will recognize. I really hate people at times.