My patient from yesterday is ok. I'm still wort of shell-shocked. I talked to my therapist today. I talked about it for an hour, finding more to say every time I thought I was done. I think that's how it will be for a while. The others there will also I'm sure help lessen the trauma.
The therapist also pointed out that we do so much to tone down my response and exposure to adrenaline (even caffeine; 9 months now without a drop) that this may be an extra shock. That makes sense. So he said I may react for a while.
I can't wait to see her and believe it myself. I now have to start turning my thoughts into "we saved her life" and rid myself of "people who are that color, that floppy, and unconscious die". (Not that people who are unconscious have good posture, but it all is blurry).
I wish I knew how long it all took. In my mind it's so weird, it was both forever and only a few minutes. That adds to the unreality of it all.
I'm just so tired tonight.