I really would like to hear what you all think on this. It's really bothering me. I can't decide how I feel and if I am being hypersensitive.
Unfortunately I'm also very, very tired. So I'm going to modify an email a bit and post it here. Please feel free to tell me whatever you think, even if you think I was totally out of line, which I'm pretty sure I wasn't.
When I eval someone I write their name under an assistant's name, along with the number of minutes I feel they need. For whatever reason that has evolved into something that is usually my call. There are guidelines; the sickest patients are to get the most time (happens only sometimes as ortho stuff also needs lots of time, some insurance patients get 60 minutes unless there are special circumstances, Medicaid generally get 30 minutes. Last Monday I picked up a dementia patient and assigned her to an assistant who balks at harder stuff. I've been forcing her to do more than she wants in these cases. She was very unhappy about both it and my picking up another patient with dementia who was not on her caseload. I explained my reasoning. Later that day I noticed that the minutes were changed to 40. That's a lot of time over a week, a lot of revenue and they should be spending time just coaxing this lady to cooperate. I was pretty mad, but it was late and I'd worked 24 hours in 2 days and was exhausted. I left the direct manager a note sealed and taped to her computer about did she change those minutes, because if she didn't I was angry but if she'd approved it I was ok with it because I did realize this lady would be tough to treat. At the bottom I wrote a PS saying that I was very grumpy and I didn't want to react until I had rested and also knew whether she'd made the change. I had a phone call from the higher manager, who reads everything on the first one's desk every day. I guess theoretically she has that right, but it is ridiculous that a copy of any memo I give my assistants is in my personel file, along with many other random things. She wanted to know what the last sentence about being grumpy meant. Feeling stupid, like this always does, I said "It was 1 am, I was tired, I hadn't had supper, I was exhausted, and I was grumpy. I didn't want to respond until I knew more facts, but I wanted it known that I didn't like this issue". I see no place in that where I deviated any from a normal person who had worked a ton of overtime, had dealt with several difficult situations, and was tired. I think it was actually quite responsible of me to not react until someone clarified. She said ok so I thought that was it.
Today in my fun probation meeting that came up AGAIN. This time HER boss was there. And her boss gave me a lecture on not making threatening statements or anything that could be misconstrued. I was told that if I felt I ever was a danger ot myself or others I needed to tell someone. Would that ever have come up if I weren't bipolar? I'm thinking not so much. And I'm pretty insulted, to tell the truth. I had no idea how to respond. I'm a bipolar patient, not a serial killer.