Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

My meds

I have realized that I am developing a strong anxiety to seeing healthcare providers outside of my little circle.  Why?  Because of this:

Please list all meds you are taking, doses, and when last taken: (3 little lines)
Seroquel XR 600 mg (150 mg more PRN)
Klonopin 1 mg AM, 2 mg hs, 1 mg PRN
Valium 1.25-2.5 mg hs prn
Lithium 450 mg hs
Vit. D
Vit. B complex
Singulair 10 mg hs
Symbicort 2 puffs bid
Emsam 9mg/24 hr transdermal patch q 24 h (****MAOI!!!!*****do not give any meds without my permission and review of safety)
Nuvigil 250 mg AM
Amitiza 24 mcg AM
Synthroid 88 mcg AM
Amelioride 10 mg AM
Nexium 40 mg AM
Xonepenex 1-2 puffs prn, used 1-2 times daily on average.

I am on a lot of meds.  I can't help that.  I'd love to be on less; in fact one of the reasons (the least of the reasons but one that we were happy about) for the patch antidepressant is that I would be on a lot less pills as I was making up my own dose of antidepressant and had to take 7-9 pills daily for that alone. So for a while I was on less lithium (I was on a lower dose of that for years), no spiriva, no singulair, no symbicort, no xopenex, no valium, no amitza (although I was on other laxatives and am one of the few pts. my doctor says needs and benefits from that so that one is not a real addition), and I wasn't on Nexium until I left the hospital but had been on it for most of the years before that because if my Seroquel dose is more than minimal I have bad reflux and with a history of multiple stomach ulcers (thankfully years ago) careful on that is good.

But nearly everywhere I go I dread it because I nearly always overhear "look at THAT med list", assumptions are made, and then people think I make things up or like medical attention.  I hate medical attention.  I always want to ask when they come in the room, "so what med do you want me to not take?  All of those meds treat only a few diagnoses, 4 of which are because of side effects/damage to my body from psychotropics.

I am actually sending a thank you card to my ankle surgeon and his staff because they are one of the few places I have never heard this, one of the few places the doctor has known my meds, and where I have never been treated differently.  I love that instead of saying "MAOI, um, not operating on you" he just says "no problem". I think he thinks he'll do it with a spinal; the truth is that I'm terrified of those and have had knee surgery which probably was deeper than this goes with a local block and some meds to relax me and I'm going to ask to do that for this as well.  And he'll be nice about it.

I have to go to occupational health today and show them I'm ok.  I dread it because I heard them talking about the meds last week.

A very long time ago, I'd only been on psych meds about 6 months, I started working for a company whose billing included a few grids that visually were very confusing to me.  I was always in the wrong box, then recopying things.  This was before anything was computerized so it was a lot of work.  Eventually I realized I couldn't focus on the boxes, so I went to the eye doctor.  I didn't have vision insurance so I went to Wal**mart.  Bad move.  I filled out the card they ask you to, including something about "difficulty focusing on small boxes on work grid".  I brought in grids.  I also wrote out my psych dx that was still a tender point for me, and heard the doctor laughing at me and my "problem".  i actually confronted him.  He denied it, but I made it clear denying it didn't mean I didn't hear it.  And I refused to talk to him or be treated until he stated he was capable of treating me with respect despite my mental illness.  He proceeded to figure out that I have strabismus with a lazy eye but didn't explain that to me.  He also put me in bifocals.  The next year when I saw my current eye doctor he took one look, explained the whole thing to me, and threw a prism in the lens of my bad eye that fixes the problem much more easily and cheaply and without making my good eye weaker.  Again, the difference between "ewwww, bipolar" and "hi, you're my patient, let me help you".

So I'm touchy about this.  But there's not much I can do, and not a lot of chance of any of this changing soon. So I am stuck with learning to deal with it.

I just wish I could make that list shorter......


Michal Ann said...

I hope you can apply liberal doses of God's word to help you heal in body, soul, mind and spirit. Blessings to you, dear Jen.

Our LORD, let Your worshipers
rejoice and be glad.
They love You for saving them,
so let them always say,
"The LORD is wonderful!"

I am poor and needy,
but, LORD God,
You care about me,
and You come to my rescue.
Please hurry and help.

Psalm 40: 16-17

WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

I certainly understand. I don't take as many medications, but my medical history is terrible, my allergies are numerous and keep growing, and the number of weird ailments are apalling. I get the "look" as if I am making this up. Who would make this up?? Really - having all this is bad enough, you wouldn't want to PRETEND to have it! :(