Because of the required frequent business use of our cell phones my company pays $30/month and then we get a pretty hefty discount as well. I was having problems because I needed unlimited minutes but that isn't discounted. However they were able to help me find a way to rearrange my minutes so I don't have to pay so much. One of the main reasons I needed unlimited was to talk to my mother. Well that's not going to be such as issue.
Apparently she feels like I complain through most of our conversations and then get mad if she tried to tell me it's all fine, no problems, etc. She thinks I am completely negative. I am not. I am tired, under a HUGE amount of stress at work trying to keep up, I don't feel good, my bipolar is acting up, work has so much going on that anything that doesn't go according to plan messes me up hugely and stresses me out further, my hormones are way out of whack (from what I can tell from the blood tests and a reference guide), my body is still fighting with steroids, I'm trying to learn to deal with another chronic illness we can't see to control, and oh yeah, I may have to have a biopsy to rule out cancer. My psychiatrist who normally would help me handle this medically is out for surgery, the doctor handling my asthma has been out, I've had to walk around on 2 sprained ankles and can't take anything for pain and i find being desk-stuck humiliating, I keep getting sick, i barely spend anytime at home out of bed because I'm so exhausted, (I'm also borderline anemic, probably from a combination of not eating well because I'm not hungry and the extra blood loss). This week I took one day off and have spent the rest of the time making it up because nobody else can. My company owes me $1500 and I've been waiting on that for months; if I don't get it in the next week I'm in trouble because my car insurance is due. In fact, I just now realized that it's due Monday so I have to pull out the money saved for family photos if I can't put it on credit. Oh, and since I scraped the paint off several places on my brand new car and I am not telling insurance I have a huge bill coming there too. (Don't ask how. It wasn't something I did, I just feel like I screw up everything somehow).
OK, so yes, I probably complain a lot. My mood alone would cause that. But apparently it is too much and she's not wanting to talk to me b/c I don't like her unreasonably happy responses (ie, my asthma is NOT going to go away. If it does it will be a miracle. But I'm not supposed to believe that. I'm also supposed to not think my bipolar could ever get worse again even though realistically we hope for that but there's not promise. In fact the steroids plus hormone imbalance make it so I'm really doing a pretty good job).
But complaining is NOT my whole conversation. however, since it bothers her she'll be getting a lot less calls from me. I know everyone has stress and that we all handle things differently. However, I suspect that what i'm going through now is on the extreme side. (And it's not even just that. I can't have children because I couldn't handle raising them, I wouldn't do pregnancy on meds, and Dr. Brain has told me pregnancy and I would not mix well, as in hospitalizations and general misery. But now my body seems to be saying "yep, that part of your life is over." And that's sad. I'm 35, and while timing doesn't matter it does make me sad.
So, my cell phone minutes will be going down rapidly.........Because she can call me. If she wants to criticize how I'm coping with all of this then she can talk to me when I get around it to. Whatever. I also got criticized and blamed for "winding up" my niece the other day too close to bedtime. My sister didn't say this, at least not to me. And the whole "not in her bed, not her house, etc" is apparently not relevant. Plus she was having a blast and when she got tired and immediately snuggled and read to her. So again, whatever.
I want time away from the whole world.......except if I leave i pay when ig et back so maybe not......
(Oh, and did I mention this conversation came after I had just left work at 7:20 and have hours of paperwork to do but have to leave at 6:30 AM for my next patient so won't be doing it?)