Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Patience gone

No matter how manic I am and how little sleep I've had in a given time period there come days when my body physically crashes and I get some sleep.  After sleeping mostly in 45 minute increments the last few days I finally got a 2 hour nap with only 1 brief awakening.  Then when I went to bed I was tired.  I was sleepy when I took my meds at 8:30.  I even was laying with the lights dimmed for a while.  And then the anxiety took over and it's 11:45 and I'm again wide awake and agitated.  It feels like I could just roll over and sleep but that doesn't work.  I don't get it.

I still don't know what is happening next.  I think i"m going to wait until Monday to bug Dr. Brain again just because that way I can be positive it isn't anything to do with the girls being here.  It's not but I'll make sure.  I don't want to add another med without knowing for sure that I tried everything else.

I just want to be done with this.   But that's not how it works; this will end but it will get me again.  And again.  It seems like you should get used to it but I certainly haven't.


Jean Grey said...

I forgot how you did on depakote- is it something worth trying again?

Just Me Jen said...

No, Depakote was miserable. The normal release stuff didn't stick around long enough to hit a therapeutic level. The ER came out just before they were going to take me off it and I was on it for a long time-7 years?. I had to have an extremely high blood level (over 100 is "too much" in theory; mine had to be 125-130) so I had a lot of side effects and really not much effect. When I came off it with a 6 month taper it was clear by 3 months into it that it had been doing very little if anything.

We went through every single drug that could help and why they had been terminated or not tried Saturday. It was a grim discussion because I've been on almost everything at some point. The only things that we agreed would be worth a re-try were Lamictal which I can't take again because of the severity and location of the rash and that this was my 2nd reaction to it on 2 different attempts (rash once, daily vomiting for a year on the other time) and Latuda. I actually want to re-try Latuda but my Med D plan doesn't cover it well and I just can't afford it and Emsam both and while I'm asking for an exemption into Emsam's patient assistance I won't know for a while. Latuda would also require an exemption that would be less likely to get.

So that leaves Seroquel working now or the neuroleptics. New antipsychotics are due out in a few months but I suspect my insurance will make them impossibly expensive. I picked a part D plan that covered all my current meds; I didn't know to anticipate future meds or even how to do that. Next year I will get a more expensive policy that probably has a better formulary.

Just Me