Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Monday, March 31, 2014

Why me?

I don't ask that question often because the answer is "why not me?".  But today I'm overwhelmed and that is where my head is.

Last night I just couldn't get sleepy or settled.  It finally occurred to me that I'd gone through my usual med routine but without taking meds.  That was at 3:30 and I had appointments today so I took a small amount and was asleep for a few hours about 5. 

My 2nd appointment was with the ankle dr.  I got a call as I was walking in to pay at Dr. Mind's office from them.  They said Medicare had declined my last visit because worker's comp was my primary insurance.  I said "huh, I haven't worked in 3 years, that makes no sense, I'll call them and fix it."  Ha.  I called them and was given another # to call.  I called that number and was told electronically I had a 2 hour wait.  Since I'd opted out of a return call I hung up and dialed again.  This time I got a person immediately.  This is was in the middle of Target since I'd assumed I'd have a 2 hour wait.  She was rude and I wound up telling her several times to not be rude and not treat me like I was stupid.  It turns out that in March 2011 I fell on ice walking to work and sprained my right (good) ankle.  I saw the ankle dr. then and my right ankle was treated through worker's comp.  For some reason the claim wasn't closed and when they submitted the claim for this left ankle it triggered that old claim.  And there is not a lot I can do.  I can write a letter.  I can go to social security and hopefully they can help.  Or I can for Medicare to send a letter and take care of it, but the rude person didn't say that would actually happen.  So tomorrow I'll go to the social security office and try to work it out.  I didn't see the dr. today and while I'll be able to see the surgeon next week after that the billing will do the same thing and I will be stuck, unable to schedule surgery or anything else, until it is cleared up.  I only worked 5 months longer after than injury.  It was minor and now it is messing my life up.  I am sure they're going to want me to pay up front and I can't do that. 

The dr's office also really annoyed me.  I called last week to request xrays and MRI reports.  THey said I could get them when I was in today.  I offered to come in sooner or whatever they needed to make it work.  But when I mentioned that today they said I didn't give them much time, it would be difficult to get them together etc.  They did it but I was pretty upset that I bothered to call.  To them they probably feel they don't have much need to invest in me since I'm going elsewhere for surgery.  But what the office staff doesn't know if that I hardly have a choice about that.  it's a medical necessity to have surgery where they are capable of managing my MAOI without harming me.

The xrays aren't very clear.  I can see the potential fracture and based on where it pinches when I step I'd say it is there.  They are not very good quality though so it's hard to tell; it's hard to see the old fracture that is definitely there.  I can see the malalignment of the bones from the damaged ligaments.  (The dr. showed it to me before and after it's pointed out it's pretty obvious). 

It truly was a tough day.  I wanted to go somewhere with Dr. Mind.  I don't know where but I need to talk about something, I just don't know what.  We've been taking a break from hard stuff for a few sessions and I feel like we should "go" but have no idea where.  I got a migraine and have not had much success getting it to go away, even using my triptan.  I think vicodin finally got it after 2 doses of advil, the triptan and a lot of rest.  I also had a random bloody nose which made me check my blood pressure, which was fine but up for me.  I thought I may have eaten something not MAOI approved although no idea what. 

On the happy side I got home and after a 4 month absence the plumber had returned and dug a place for my septic tank which is to be here tomorrow.  It looks like there is at least some chance for moving in April if he just sticks around and finishes each of his few things.  He's been told we want another plumber b/c of his irresponsibility so he should be on good behavior.  We'll see. 

It's just been a really long, really rough day.  I'm hoping that my psych meds are going to work double duty tonight and get me some extra rest.  We'll see.  I haven't done swagbucks for 2 days now which isn't good.  Some days it just is too much but the only way they accumulate is to do them consistently.  Oh well.

Oh and in the middle of the chaos I had a message from Dr. Brain's office.  I heard the wrong message though, one waiting to be deleted that I thought was the new one and so I returned the call regarding the old message and confused both of us.  When I found the right message today it sounds like Emsam approved me for patient assistance.  That is HUGE.  It means I can afford my meds all year without selling a cat or two (and frankly 2 old cats probably don't bring much on the street :). 

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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