OK, panic attack starting. Hurts to breathe, having trouble breathing. Gotta go fix that.
And I am so tired and so anxious. My body wants to be anxious and MOVE. My head wants to sleep to avoid this. It's a weird combination. This will be lasting several months so I guess eventually I'll get used to it.
2014 sucks. I was sick through January, lithium toxic in February and then having psych issues through now. Those were improving and I was even going to ask to come off med watch because I made it through without being suicidal. No going to happen now. 2 weeks ago we lost our wonderful Gracie dog. And now this. This is the thing I just don't have answers for.
I like to help anxiety with knowledge. I feel safe when I know more. This situation though knowledge makes things worse. I don't know what to do with that. I am blundering around making decisions that are as hard as anything I've had to decide. I'm trying to do that knowing I can change my mind later. But what I'm dealing with is far beyond my understanding and that makes it seem bigger than the HUGE, life-changing, family-changing thing that it is.
I know cognitive ways to control anxiety. I've worked very hard to learn them. But this defies those techniques. I think that this is something that changes how I see people, probably forever, and it has made some of the abuse I suffered much more relevant to my life than it has been since I left home.
I am finding that the anxiety associated with my unnameable situation is incredibly intense. I have been taking my full PRN klonopin and Dr Brain gave me a lo dose of valium as well for when it is out of control. I made it through the day on just Klonopin but just took valium to relax enough to hopefully sleep some.I find it so hard to know what to do to make the anxiety less. I can't exercise right now because of my stupid ankle. I almost went to my house at 10 pm to work on assembling my table but decided that if I got tired over there it wouldn't be ideal.