Break (for a few days)

I just want you all to know that because of the severity of my insomnia, the worst and hardest treat that I've had and I KNOW insomnia.  Dr. Brain is guessing it's from anesthesia and other elements of surgery. Regardless I am on so many drugs that I couldn't walk in the night, just bounced off one thing to another to the bathroom or kitchen sink each time. When I woke it took an hour to get my eyes to more or less focus.  Because I have a lazy eye on the left my right does most of the work.  Today I just saw blurry and double.  I was able to see in the mirror my lazy eye turned  totally out; I've  never seen that before as it's not a bad case and it is corrected with my glasses.  But I just had so much medication that my muscles totally relaxed.  I can see ok now although my eyes still cross periodically.

But there is so much to write about from the last few days and I can't.   I have written when manic, not sleeping, exhausted, etc. many, many times on this blog, but right now I just can't.  It is too hard to make my eyes focus, my brain work, and write about any of this.

This is only a few day trial with the hoping being it will work and then starting weaning back to normal next week.   However the goal for today was for me to be hungover from meds.  I am not.  I'm a little tired and the eye thing happens when I start to relax too much (which is nauseating) (one of the meds I'm taking a huge amount of is a muscle relaxant when it's not doing what I take it for). I will post more about what is happening when I can, be that tonight or in a few days.  If this attempt doesn't work I don't think there are many more outpatient options but she won't tell me that.  If I am going to the hospital obviously I'll let you all know and I'd be able to post from there as well, assuming they put me on psych.  I don't even know that since  I need knocked heavily out to sleep, not to be protected from harming myself.

Anyway, there's not a faster way to lose readers than this and I want you all to stay.  The problem is that I am so incredibly tired and manic in my thinking that I can't remember things like  eating.  I can't even begin to think of how to write a post telling you about the last days, yet they were quite interesting.  And I got very, very good news.

Plus, as I just told Dr. Body, pretty much I am physically healthy except for surgical healing, for the first time in 10.5 months. I guess it's good that this mania and the things going with it waited until now.  But it's also a huge struggle and I just don't want people thinking I'm ignoring you; I will post as I can but officially I'm on break.

I'll miss you and will be back ASAP. Since I feel good in the evening it may be as soon as tonight, but I'm going to try to not blog for a few days because I don't want to re-read later and be embarrassed what my brain put out there.