Explanation

I forget that 2 years ago I didn't have nearly as many readers as now.  Locked up with the irreverent way I titled posts, coming soon (maybe tonight) to a sidebar near you.  It's not as negative as it sounds; I know I need to be there.  It's just that it makes a big impression when the door closes with a heavy click and you know that you can't leave.  The process I'll go through when I arrive is surreal and that led to the Locked Up title.  You go to admissions and sign papers saying you can't leave for 3 days if the psychiatrist says he wants a court order to continue treatment, that you understand you will be on locked unit until discharge, and that if you become out of control they can physically get you to the floor and sedate you.  The other thing is that this unit is a tiny, tiny space.  When you are agitated and pacing it feels like a jail cell.  That improves when you aren't agitated.

I do have to go to psych because I'm in for a psychiatric reason.  It used to be that there were units for people like me who would be given passes to walk around, but for liability reasons those are rare now.  The unit I'll be on is tiny, only 10 patients max (last time there were 6, but the first 12 hours there were 3 of us).  You have to be accepted to be there and must have severe depression or bipolar, not be psychotic at that time, etc.  It's a lot calmer there than the floor below and the ratio of care is really high.  There are nice things; a fully stocked fridge and snack area, I'll be able to email so I'll email in posts, etc.

I'm not sure what the treatment will be.  Dr. Brain will only talk to the dr. who will treat me, but he will decide what is done.  I suspect I will be given higher doses of a very strong antipsychotic for several days, or even high doses of the Zyprexa that hasn't been doing much the last few days, and then he'll help me wean back down to a safe and reasonable number of medications.  I've asked a lot of questions about this procedure because I am very confused how they are going to sedate me enough to make this work yet still have me participate in the groups.  It may be I'm allowed to sleep for a few days and gradually join in, I'm not sure.

The worst part of it is now, while I sit an wonder what is going to happen, am I allowed to have my nook or do I need to buy books, etc

Otherwise I'm making to do lists, etc.  Tomorrow will be busy.