Hoping against a wise doctor's guess

I saw Dr.Mind today.  We spent a lot of time discussing how the unsuccessful treatment (last night I did sleep but I cried myself to sleep very late which doesn't count as actual progress) is making me as miserable as not sleeping.  At least when I was only not sleeping I could do  things. Now everything is exhausting, feels exhausting before I start, and doesn't help me move forward in gaining my life back.

Dr. Mind gave me the impression that he thinks I'm going to wind up hospitalized.  This does not come from Dr. Brain, but she refused to discuss it when I asked rather than giving multiple things between where we were and the hospital.  I so absolutely do not want to go there mainly because the noise makes me cringe, and the only thing that makes me feel calm enough to sit still is loom knitting and they won't let me do that  because  the hook is theoretically sharp (I assume).  I'd be allowed to do in the day room but I can't stand the TV there.

I gave in to no response from Dr.Brain and left a message, during which I suddenly started crying.  I hate to bug her on Fridays but I can't keep struggling like this forever.  

One thing Dr.Mind said was that he might need to go back and fill in avoiding hospitalization as a reason to keep me off work, then said with my current diagnosis they'd be wondering why I wasn't there already. Great.

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow I'll find out something.  If I do have to be admitted it won't be until the beginning of the week unless Dr. Brain happens to be on call and even then I'm not sure because of the need for prior authorization and acceptance into the unit I go to by the head psychiatrist there.

It was good to see Dr. Mind at the end of the day.  Because I am less medicated in the evening we laughed and that helped immensely.

Tomorrow I'll hopefully see my niece for a little bit and Saturday I'm going to try to go to the zoo with them even if it means that I sit on a bench somewhere.

I can't think of a good transition, so night.