The nicest thing

You all probably have heard me talk (sometimes endlessly) about my weighted blanket.  Basically it's something I knew about as an OT but only for kids.  When I worked in a psychiatric setting I used it with several adults with extreme success.  About 6 months later I decided to try it for myself and that was the first night in my life that I knew what sleep was supposed to be.  I had a pediatric one for a while without nearly enough weight (it should be 10% of your weight) so my Christmas gift that year was a grown-up sized one that fits my double bed.  I got as much weight as I could because I know how much pressure helps me, and so I've been sleeping with a 22# weight on my bed for 5 years now.  The last time I was preparing to go in the hospital I got a wrap, which is long enough to cover most of me but narrow.  It has worked for travel in a pinch but right now I really, really need weight; I'm sleeping with both blankets so I'm covered from the next down.

The place that I've used the other times didn't have any premades with a soft, warm cover.  My big blanket it a fabric called Minkee dots that is extremely soft and rubbing it also calms me.  So I went elsewhere, remembering where Julia got Gage's blanket.   They had Minkee but it was kind of expensive for a back up blanket that won't get that much use.  So I got fleece, I think 10#s.  Not the ideal weight but what is easy to carry.I emailed them very late on Friday night about shipping rates and how fast they could get it here.  Ultimately I was asking them to get it here at a cost more than the blanket. Then this afternoon I got an email to not worry about the final cost (I'd asked to speed it up today and had called in my credit card), they were covering it.

I needed that kindness badly.  Not that there isn't tons of kindness in my life, there is, but the getting ready for the hospital thing is so very hard, especially because I don't really know what they'll do and I'm very anxious about a few things that probably nobody has control over, like there are 2 private rooms out of 6 rooms.  I am terrified of having a roommate; I don't sleep well with quiet, much less someone else in the room.  And I dread the idea that the one nurse who I had so much trouble with could still be there.  I pray she has retired or moved on, but I won't know until I am there.  It's also weird to be preparing to go to the hospital when the last time I was so suicidal. This time that's one thing I'm not.  I'm very high risk because of the mood swings, but it's not what I feel.  I don't think I can present as normal, especially if you know me, but I'm not the tearful depressed person of last time.  Now I have way, way too much energy, and yet the chief complaint of "can't sleep" seems very odd to be the reason I'm going into the hospital.

Assuming I am.  I really wish in our exchange this morning I had a yes or no that I was getting referred. I'm sort of assuming Dr. Brain will call me later  but that's a guess.

Anyway I'm trying to get my room ready to vaccuum up the yarn scraps that are bugging me.  (Have to put away laundry first.  I hate folding sheets and guess what is in the big basket in front of me?)