Last night I got less than 5 hours of sleep. It's been weeks since I got a normal number of hours of real, solid, deep sleep. Last night I was scrubbing carpeting at 1:30 AM because I couldn't stand a stain anymore.
Today I got up, paid billls, got ready, went to the post office and bank, drove to the mall and spent 2 hours getting some clothes etc I'll need in the hospital. Stupidly I carefully looked for pants with pockets, found some, found other pants cheaper, forgot the entire reason I was there was pockets, didn't look and now those must go back. I had a horrible time finding flannel pajamas. I saw Christmas trees with decorations for sale but no flannel pajamas. Finally I spent way more than I wanted on some that I doubt will even be good quality. Oh well. I ran into one last store and then was there forever because I couldn't remember why I was there. Then I dropped a return off at UPS and came home, brought things inside and sorted and 3 baskets of laundry. I changed sheets, started my comforter washing (it's a long process, I knew I should have gotten one size up),cleaned and scrubbed the kitchen, vaccummed everywhere the cats weren't, cleaned the bathroom thoroughly (forgetting to wear a mash with cleaners), put the newly washed shower curtain up (I hate doing that), sorted random socks that had gotten forgotten in a corner, tried on the things I got today that I don't have to return and they are waiting to wash, tried working on the baby hats I've been making but can't focus well enough to do right at this point, emailed Dr.Brain a few questions I hope she can resolve with the inpatient psychiatrist, and now I will start packing and making lists of what I have to do tomorrow to be admitted hopefully Wednesday.
Please pray that my 2 requests are granted, some of this being a space thing and some of it just administrative:
1) I cannot imagine sharing a room right now. Please pray for a private space. Of 10 beds up there only 2 are private. I had one last time. I'm praying it is medically indicated this time.
2)I want to be able to talk to Dr. Mind on the phone for a few therapy sessions. Dr. Mind is so integrated into my life that I need contact with him to even really know how I am doing, and to get support when things are tough.
I am also very worried that my nook reader won't be allowed and I'd have to buy books.
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I will pray about your two requests.
I realize the reason you may be admitted is because you cannot sleep, but I don't understand how the hospital will help you sleep. Does Dr. Mind have a plan? Also, do you need to go to the psych unit because that's where your doctors are?
You say "locked up" and I don't think it's a pleasant thought for you. Nor would it be for anyone. I am just curious if this stay warrants the "lock up" or is it just because of the docs and the fact you are on pysch meds?
Either way, this will get figured out. And you are in a MUCH MUCH MUCH better place than the last time you went to the hospital (not for the surgery). You can (and will) advocate for yourself this time! Please take some comfort in knowing that you are not in the same place as you were a couple of years ago, ok?
Again, I sure would like to know what the plan is and how this hospitalization is going to make you sleep.
B.
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