Baby Steps

I am coming to terms with my need to let myself heal slowly. The problem is I don't accept doing small things as progress. And I get mad at myself for sleeping a lot, even though I know this is probably also related to the physical symptoms of hypothyroidism, and that medicine won't start working for at least 3 more weeks. And we're still adjusting my fall-asleep meds and that plays a role. Plus when I work I take a medication that helps me wake up; I've not had it for months now because I have to be more stable or risk mania. Hopefully I'll be able to start it soon.

So today I had lunch, read until I fell asleep, had a nap, loaded the dishwasher, cooked a full meal (this is a big deal), walked a mile, worked in my garden for a few minutes, and began to figure out how to fix the toilet. Oh, the toilet.....I found out the only thing more frustrating than lithium and the need to pee is lithium + need to pee + toilet that has to be kept shut off at the main valve and turned back on for all flushes. We won't go there, it's not been the highlight of the last few days.

I'm also trying to spend more time on the couch instead of bed so that maybe I'll stay awake better. Those who treat me would probably squawk if they knew how much time I've spent in bed, but the truth is that if I'm in my living room which is a single space with the kitchen I am very focused on my messy kitchen and I get upset. The mess in the bedroom bothers me less for some reason (I guess because laundry isn't as gross as dirty dishes).

Anyway, the big trick now is not being angry at myself for moving slowly. And remembering that I have 4 weeks to get better and that is a LONG time. My hope is to feel well enough to maybe enjoy the last week I'm off since it will be a long time before I have vacation again after this.

But we're getting there.