The Big Day

(Warning: Very tired. Probably rambling. Not spellchecking. Not editing at all.)

Tomorrow is the day. Not sure how it will go since I totally lost it today and cried a large part of the day. And that was only with ONE of the hard goodbyes. I had a fight with a friend. He was wrong, I was angry, and I reacted by speaking up in a note. I am just learning to confront people and I felt I didn't have time to do this face to face, especially since today was scheduled so time would be even more limited. Also, personally I have no problem getting a note saying someone is unhappy about something. The things I did wrong were that I didn't make sure the note was private (didn't think and probably didn't care because what he did was humiliating to me), and I was sarcastic. The thing is that I'm normally sarcastic, it's my sense of humor, so I guess I didn't think about watching it when angry. His reaction was way overboard and more humiliating than the original situation. On the other hand, it gave me more to think about analyzing the entire situation of the last 6 months and why leaving is good. We eventually talked and are ok, but my trust level with him changed, and I really didn't want that to happen now. I thought we were friends, and what happened was pretty backstabbing. Not to mention it was one more prime example of how little people were listening when I was trying to say I was extremely sick. Never again will I let anyone's reactions but those of the people treating me affect how I feel about how sick I am. I have learned I too easily can be talked into believing "it's not that bad". I had to accept before I was allowed to return to work that the psychologist now dictates if it is time for a break; now I see he also needs to be the only one I listen to, including myself, about severity.

For now I am just soooooooooooo tired. I'm really nervous I won't handle tomorrow well. I have enough work to stay busy all day easily but shouldn't have to work all night. This is a good thing. The hard part will be the goodbyes. I don't want to have any involvement with the rotten assistant. I think they are planning a lunch or something and that's going to be so hard to handle.

So, tomorrow is the end. The story is to come this weekend I hope. I plan to soak up a lot of rest in these next days though. The next worry is moving on to the next job without taking this one with me. I wish I'd known how bad this would be 4 weeks ago; I would have pushed the new company harder to let me have at least a few more days off between. But they were really wanting me to start 2 weeks ago and I had to give a 4 week notice, so it was hard to put them off more since I know they were desperate.

Wish me luck......