The loss of Lamictal hit really, really hard today. I haven't slept well for several nights and all through today I have just felt the brain chemistry soup heating up. It's gotten worse all day. I had a difficult discussion with my supervisor at work which I don't want to go into because I don't want to get upset again. I could tell at that point I was about to start losing it. I called my psychologist to try to get an extra appointment about noon (no luck so far) and emailed my psychiatrist for some med change a few hours later when it was clear that it was declining fast (nothing yet).
So now I'm all kinds of emotional and feeling all sorts of negative things about myself and my life. I'm just so angry that I finally got to feel better and do I get to enjoy it? Of course not. Because I am not supposed to be happy. Ever.