Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Monday, June 04, 2007

Rainbows and Hives

Hives first: almost gone. Tomorrow will be back to work day finally. I have done nothing but sleep through this whole thing but nonetheless I'm tired of being confined. I'm glad to go back.

Rainbows: Tonight was really neat. I saw a total of 4 rainbows. As a Christian rainbows have special meaning to me. I have a further significance in my mind though for a variety of reasons. Mainly though it is something about all that color against dark storminess. It's so much like bipolar. It's not merely the contrast of color and dark, it's the added contrast of 7 colors all together like that. Color matters. When I first started working I decided that I would always wear bright colors to work even though I generally don't wear bright things because I was working in such a bland environment and I think patients need color. Sure enough, over the years the scrub tops patients compliment me on are consistently the really bright ones that I wasn't even sure I should buy, much less wear in public. Nobody ever likes the boring ones I'd select based on my own preferences.

The rainbows tonight were all neat ones too. One was one of those random ones that happen when it isn't raining but you are just the right angle to rain elsewhere. Next there were double rainbows. Later there was an enormous one clear across the sky. I saw all 4 of these just on my trip to and from the psychologist's. After barely being of of bed for a week I really needed this.

So I go back to waiting and watching on the rash front. Also I must not worry. That part is so very hard. Yet for some reason it is much easier to not worry about the med situation, to put it aside and think "I can't do anything about it regardless", than it is to put aside so many daily worries that don't have any relevance. In reality it is a much bigger deal that I am able to get back on Lamictal and stay on it because it has been working so well than it is for me to think about working. So what if I have a job if I'm too ill to go to it? Yet worrying about work is much harder for me to stop than the medication issue.

But there is happiness in every day. That is good.

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