Briefly

Not much to say really. Having a hard time with heat again this week, so basically feeling physically like crap even though my mood is reason to celebrate. However, I'm learning that I have little patience for feeling physically lousy because of bipolar when I am mentally well, because I have a firm belief it is a mental illness. I always seem to need hard reminders it is an overall chronic illness and doesn't discriminate.

Really glad about one thing. I asked for depakote level orders a while back because we changed my medication delivery and I wanted to be sure it wasn't affecting my levels. It shouldn't, but I respond oddly. Plus there's a need to be cautious as we know my levels are very high and I've had signs (hair falling out) that it's pretty high still. But for one reason and another the labs didn't get done. I emailed my doctor today to tell her I haven't forgotten but it will be another week at least because I consciously decided to reduce the dose (and therefore my levels for several days) for a night to try to manage this heat reaction. She's always encouraged me to follow my instincts, but depakote has not been up for manipulation because it is level controlled. I got a response that told me it's ok, to do what I need to do to feel ok. That means a lot. Two years ago I messed up royally by putting off bloodwork. The circumstances were different by a lot (I just had a level 7 weeks ago and have had them about every 4-6 weeks for a year; this is depakote and not lithium and the danger zone is quite different), but nonetheless she is not treating me like I automatically will always make bad med decisions because I did once. Keeping her updated is part of that, but even that shows we've moved on and I no longer have to prove myself again. It also means I am not being clumped as "bipolar: will stop taking meds immediately if not watched".

I needed that. Now if we just could have a nice cold front for the next 6 months or so.....