Peace

One thing is so very good with my new job. As I settle in there are of course ups and downs, and I'm having some trouble with a co-worker being a bit of a jerk, something he apparently does to all the new people. There are good things and bad things with the whole place. It's not even necessarily the best nursing home I've ever been in; in fact the care is not very good in a number of areas. However, the therapy department is really, really good and we have a reputation for this. In fact, patients come and tolerate the care they know is less that superb for us. It's nice to hear.

I love things like I am given the appropriate level of respect in my leadership. I don't want to ever be the dictator, but I do want my treatment plans followed, etc. I also like having control of who has what caseload: I assign so I don't get trapped in the never having a patient who was going to get well pattern of my last job.

The best part of the whole thing though I never would have anticipated mattering so much. The best part is that I know and always have known that this is my last job in this arena. If I'm miserable I leave and that's that. My last job I was prepared for it to be the last job, but then Seroquel worked so well I got a reprieve.

I decided though that this one is it. I'll find another arena to work in if this fails. Maybe not even therapy. The decision feels so right. I'm not even sad about it because this last job is a gift I didn't anticipate. So every day I go to work knowing that I need to enjoy it because there isn't a good reason to waste time doing what I love so much, yet is so hard on me.

I'm amazed at how much good this does. I don't get nearly as upset about stupid things. I think knowing that if I talk myself into being super-upset about something just takes time away from how long I survive here has a positive effect. Knowing I need to fully appreciate every moment certainly is good. And I'm refusing to get caught in small things. That too is new to me, and so very calming. If I can't maintain my productivity, well, I'm trying and if makes them want rid of me then so be it. Etc.

I told several more people this week. It's best if the therapists know. Not all will here, only the ones I'm closer to. But they all handled it well, although every time I tell someone they tell me they think they are too. I don't think they quite understand how sick I'm talking about.....But that's no surprise. Especially because now I just pretty much act quiet but normal.

Hopefully this place will last a long time. If not, I'm determined to leave with happy memories.