Copied from an email I sent last night....See what you guys think.
This is strange. But it is making me REALLY paranoid. First, know that my work monitors me more than other people. For example, I got in serious trouble for including the word "grrr" when I was frustrated in a note one day. I had to listen to 2 long lectures about threatening language, what is inappropriate, etc. This was followed by being told if I feel suicidal or homicidal I am to tell a supervisor. I was furious at the time because I felt this was not applied fairly to everyone else, so I waited for the next meeting and gave my own little speech about bipolar not equating violence, that I am perfectly capable of handling myself, and that if I should happen to be suicidal I will not be working, and I do not become homicidal because that is RARE. I pointed out that not only do I monitor myself and take medication to control such things, I also am carefully professionally monitored by experts. Which my managers are not, given the stupid things that have come up. I told them at that time that it was unfair (word carefully avoided) to treat such a minor thing as a threat because of my illness. I was given a speech about that's not true, that it would be handled that way across the board. But that is NOT true; all the time people throw around the "I'm so mad I could KILL him" phrase and they aren't discipllined. I pay attention because it makes me so mad that I'm not even allowed to talk the same as other people. OK, so that's where some of my "being singled out" feelings started. But it has moved on to new levels. Manager one is actually my assistant, but she does coordination work. I very often leave her notes of various sorts. Things like "Edna is wandering into rooms where she may get clobbered. Would they consider moving her down with the ladies at the other end?", or last week I left a typed note about some patient issues that would help her treat this patient. Or "who is the payer for Sam?". I use very distinctive post-it notes so people can't steal them from me. Currently they are quotation marks. The other day I got in the closet in the office to get more eval forms and saw in her mailbox every note I had written the manager one last week. Every single note I write to the manager one that two can get her hands on she takes and keeps. Sometimes this happens before manager one even SEES the thing. She has some random file on me with all these notes. This means I can't be casual at all. Ever. Nor can I write down things I don't want her to have access to. I know she goes through my desk too, which is whatever, good luck finding anything juicy. But I feel like this is all being saved to be used against me even though it is totally harmless junk. However, take anything out of context and it potentially becomes bad. Again, see grrr above......
For now I just am trying to not leave notes. Much harder than it sounds.
But am I just being paranoid? Is this normal?
Please, be honest. Even if you think I should be watched more than the others, be honest.