Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Copied from an email I sent last night....See what you guys think.

This is strange. But it is making me REALLY paranoid. First, know that my work monitors me more than other people. For example, I got in serious trouble for including the word "grrr" when I was frustrated in a note one day. I had to listen to 2 long lectures about threatening language, what is inappropriate, etc. This was followed by being told if I feel suicidal or homicidal I am to tell a supervisor. I was furious at the time because I felt this was not applied fairly to everyone else, so I waited for the next meeting and gave my own little speech about bipolar not equating violence, that I am perfectly capable of handling myself, and that if I should happen to be suicidal I will not be working, and I do not become homicidal because that is RARE. I pointed out that not only do I monitor myself and take medication to control such things, I also am carefully professionally monitored by experts. Which my managers are not, given the stupid things that have come up. I told them at that time that it was unfair (word carefully avoided) to treat such a minor thing as a threat because of my illness. I was given a speech about that's not true, that it would be handled that way across the board. But that is NOT true; all the time people throw around the "I'm so mad I could KILL him" phrase and they aren't discipllined. I pay attention because it makes me so mad that I'm not even allowed to talk the same as other people. OK, so that's where some of my "being singled out" feelings started. But it has moved on to new levels. Manager one is actually my assistant, but she does coordination work. I very often leave her notes of various sorts. Things like "Edna is wandering into rooms where she may get clobbered. Would they consider moving her down with the ladies at the other end?", or last week I left a typed note about some patient issues that would help her treat this patient. Or "who is the payer for Sam?". I use very distinctive post-it notes so people can't steal them from me. Currently they are quotation marks. The other day I got in the closet in the office to get more eval forms and saw in her mailbox every note I had written the manager one last week. Every single note I write to the manager one that two can get her hands on she takes and keeps. Sometimes this happens before manager one even SEES the thing. She has some random file on me with all these notes. This means I can't be casual at all. Ever. Nor can I write down things I don't want her to have access to. I know she goes through my desk too, which is whatever, good luck finding anything juicy. But I feel like this is all being saved to be used against me even though it is totally harmless junk. However, take anything out of context and it potentially becomes bad. Again, see grrr above......

For now I just am trying to not leave notes. Much harder than it sounds.

But am I just being paranoid? Is this normal?

Please, be honest. Even if you think I should be watched more than the others, be honest.


otgirl said...

Wow, that sounds really awkward and unpleasant. Did you write "grrr" in a prog note, or just in a note to a co-worker? In my opinion: to a co-worker, such a note is totally within the realm of acceptable (though could be viewed as snotty depending on the tone of the rest of the note), if you wrote it in a prog note then the appropriate response is simply that that's not appropriate to a prog note. Which, of course, you know.

For them to get all worried that it represents some deep-rooted violent tendencies (either toward yourself or someone else) seems like a really weird and extreme response.

As far as people taking all your notes and you never being able to write anything down for yourself or casually, that's actually a little crazy (and I mean that seriously, I mean... now who's paranoid?). Not to mention making it really hard to do your job.

I don't know if you need more monitoring than the average bear, you don't seem like it from your blog. But if you do, there's got to be about 87 better ways than over-reacting to normal language and stealing your post-it notes.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that crap.

Just Me said...

It was just a note. It was something about one of my assistants doing something I felt was inappropriate, I think reducing the minutes I had put on the board for a RUG category.

We'll see what happens now. I left a memo-like note for all of my assistants today. We're really low and I assigned dining room areas to screen since everyone hates doing feeding and I can't screen that many areas myself. I'm sure the manager will grab a copy.

There's also now going to be drama because this patient said I said some things to her I didn't. She also said some things about her PTA that I ignored because the patient is mean. She's depressed and she's just not very nice, and she was saying all sorts of things. But the PTA (not knowing things were said about her) made a big fuss about it. The comment in question was translated from my "I can change what so-and-so says because I'm her supervisor. I oversee all the patients on OT, and I make final decisions" into "I make more money so you have to do what I say".

I find it ludicrous the PTA thinks that I would even say that, since it's a rather odd comment even if I WERE being mean. Plus, I guess what was said about her was true too?

This is the stuff that makes me hate working some days.

otgirl said...

Yikes... good luck.